Why don't people take you seriously?
do you feel the same way:
the nicer you are to a person, the more active you are, the less you will be valued.
the lower your posture, the more you cater to others, and the more humble you live.
the better your temper, the more talkative you are, and the more bullied you are.
have you ever wondered why the nicer you are to others, the less people take you seriously?
being kind will hurt you
such a story was recorded in "those things in England".
in a small town in Russia, Mohammad Savenshaang runs a grocery store.
eight years ago, a very cash-strapped old man went to his shop with several coins to buy the cheapest piece of bread.
Mohammed was so touched that he not only gave away bread to the elderly for free, but also decided to give out coupons to the elderly for free.
this can not only solve the problem of food and clothing for the elderly, but also take care of their dignity.
later, Mohammed extended coupons to people with disabilities and low-income families, and a storm was surging.
because of the large supply and demand, no matter how hard Mohammed tries, it is inevitable that when supply exceeds demand, those who do not receive bread will stand in front of his grocery store and shout abuse.
once, because the delivery van broke down halfway and could not be delivered to the store in time, several angry "customers" smashed the door of the store, and Mohammed's two young daughters were also abused and threatened by "customers".
fight rice to nourish grace, bear rice to nourish hatred.
if you are good enough to be unreserved, the other person will dare to be unscrupulous.
cartoonist Jimmy has a passage, which is particularly piercing:
"one day you will understand that people can not be too kind, because people will only pick on soft persimmons.
if everything is too generous and forgiving, others will not be grateful to you.
being too kind will make us lose our own value and dignity.
Human nature has a dark side.
when you give a little, others will be grateful, but when you give everything, others will not take it seriously.
your kindness, in front of the ungrateful, will only become a way to get more.
kindness can never fill the gully of desire.
the wisest way to live is to stay away from those who are ungrateful.
if you are too easy to talk, you will be very tired.
Bai Yansong once said something that poked a lot of people.
"Why do people take you less and less seriously, because you are too talkative?" As soon as you ask for something, you will agree to it; if you ask for something, you will give it to you. "
the people who live the most tired life in this world are often those who are too soft-hearted to refuse.
people who live thoroughly tend to prefer to reject others bluntly.
writer Wang Zengqi accidentally met a young man who loved literature, and the young man visited Wang Zengqi's home many times.
in order to listen to the teachings every day, the young people simply moved to live in Wang's house.
Wang's house is not large, so young people live in a cramped basement, knocking on Wang Zengqi's door with a toothbrush early every morning and asking Wang Zengqi to give advice on the manuscript.
although Wang Zengqi intends to help young people, his writing is really not good. He has neither talent nor talent.
after being disturbed many times, Wang Zengqi finally couldn't stand it and issued a severe eviction order.
one morning, the young man went upstairs and knocked on the door with a toothbrush. Wang Zengqi opened the door, blocked it in the door and said:
"Don't come again, I'm busy;
you can't say outside that I'm your teacher, I don't have you as a student;
in the face of other people's demands, if you choose to accept it without a bottom line, you will be deeply disturbed and physically and mentally exhausted for a long time.
but if you are a little ruthless, you will get a more comfortable life and find a more relaxed state.
you must have encountered such an experience in your life:
if you are learning English, someone will ask you to translate the paper, and if you are studying Chinese, someone will ask you to write a speech.
when you travel abroad, someone is bound to ask you to buy things on your behalf, saying nothing about money.
there will be people who will try their best to borrow money from you and say nice things to make you feel embarrassed if you don't borrow it.
the most terrible thing is that even if you have a hundred reluctance in your heart, you will still reluctantly nod in the end.
you never dare to refuse others, and you are afraid to offend others, and you can never say what you refuse.
however, if you take care of this and that, who will care about you?
A really good relationship is never a blindly pandering.
people who are really worth dating will never bother you without scruples.
from today on, don't be too talkative, a relationship that consumes you constantly, don't matter.
your life will be comfortable only if you learn to refuse, have a bottom line and principle, and don't be a good person.
if you have a good temper, you will be wronged.
A psychological counselor once received a female college student suffering from depression.
female college students have a good personality, have a gentle temper and never lose their temper.
therefore, her roommates think that she is easy to bully and do anything regardless of her feelings.
often make phone calls to play with the computer late at night, affecting her study and sleep.
although she was very upset, she never showed it on her face, and over time, her roommate became worse and worse.
her own emotions became more and more overstocked and eventually suffered from severe depression.
there is a good saying:
"people are more likely to respect a person who will lose his temper than to respect a person with a good temper."
as everyone is familiar with in the early years, the incident of Xi'an female master's degree riding on the roof of a Mercedes-Benz car.
good words failed to communicate, and angrily climbed to the roof of the car to make a scene, and finally the problem was easily solved.
in life, many times, it is often very unfriendly to people with a good temper and full of kindness to people with thorns all over.
there is a famous "broken window effect" in psychology:
if the window of a house is broken and no one is going to repair it, the glass of other windows will soon be broken.
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if graffiti appears on a wall and it is not cleaned in time, the wall will soon be covered with clutter.
it's the same with being a man.
when a person tries to offend you, if you don't stop it in time, he thinks he is right and will be more unscrupulous in the future.
and if you stop it in time, he will be afraid of you and will think twice before doing the same thing.
psychologist Wu Zhihong has a good saying:
"when others perceive that you are a difficult person, you are more likely to be respected and end up with a good relationship."
from now on, stop wronging yourself and learn to be a difficult person to get along with.
you don't have to stab, but you have to have thorns on your body.
only when you face the world with an edge will the world become gentle and gentle.
have read such a sentence:
"people don't take you seriously. In the final analysis, it all starts when you don't take yourself seriously."
the hidden social rule of adults is that only when you take yourself seriously will others take you seriously.
when you lose your temper, people around you become more agreeable;
when you reject others decisively, they become more cautious.
people with edges and corners can walk more smoothly and freely in the world.
writer Bi Shumin said, "it is common sense to love yourself well."
at any time, you should learn to love yourself before you love others.