"which is more terrible, not marrying or marrying the wrong person?" People who have been honest in the past are unexpected.

/July 2023

see a topic on Zhihu:

"which is more frightening, not marrying or marrying the wrong person?"

netizens left messages one after another, telling their own experiences.

what is different from imagination is that not getting married seems not as chic as expected, and those who regret marrying the wrong person envy those outside the besieged city.

in fact, marriage is not that scary, the key is to meet the right person.

A problem that once had to be solved by one person can now be faced by two people together;

Happiness that once could only be experienced alone can now be shared with your partner.

more and more people are unwilling to make do with marriage.

China Census Yearbook 2020, released some time ago, has attracted the attention of many people:

in 2020, the average age of first marriage in China rose to 28.67.

in 2010, the average age of first marriage in China was 24.89.

some people say that today's young people not only marry late, but some even do not want to get married.

people can't help asking, "what on earth happened to the young people of this year?"

those young people who say that "wise men do not fall in love" are actually far more sober and determined than we thought.

Contemporary young people's view of marriage:

Don't get married easily, don't divorce casually

someone on the Internet once asked a question: is it irresponsible for young people not to marry?

here is an answer that pokes people's hearts:

Young people are not so much irresponsible as they want to be responsible.

there are many young people around me who have their own views on marriage, and they will not make do with it easily, let alone get married for the sake of marriage.

compared with the older generation, they value the values and spiritual resonance more than the marriage of the older generation.

there was a survey of post-90s: what do you think is the most important thing in marriage?

the results of the survey are surprising. The three values far exceed the appearance of character, economic conditions, and educational level, and firmly rank first.

Variety "90 matchmaking Agency" is a dating program for young people, hosted by Meng Fei, the famous host of if you are the one.

program, namely, past, future, interest and values.

among them, the most popular one is the "values room".

Young people will use chat to confirm whether the other person is the "right person".

for example, they will discuss the question of "who is more important in your heart":

"if your boyfriend says he doesn't like cats, will you give up owning a cat for him?"

there are also questions about the birth and upbringing of children:

"do you want to have children after marriage? When do you want it? Who will bring it after giving birth? "

the reason why young people are so cautious is that they are afraid of making mistakes, delaying themselves and each other, and failing their marriage.

if you enter the marriage hastily, the ambiguous problems before marriage may become the bomb that makes the marriage fall apart after marriage.

Marriage is never a trivial matter, but a deliberate choice.

Buffett said:

"the most important decision in your life is who to marry. In choosing a partner, if you are wrong, it will cost you a lot. And the loss is not just about money. "

choosing what kind of person to get married is equal to choosing what kind of way of life.

similarly, marriage also needs to be managed. It requires two people to guard together with mature minds, rational minds and sincere hearts, year after year.

to have a comprehensive and full understanding of marriage is to be more responsible for yourself and marriage.

behind children who don't want to get married

all stand parents who do not love each other

if you pay attention to life, you will find:

divorce seems to be a common thing, but in fact, compared with the younger generation, people of the previous generation tend not to divorce easily.

therefore, some people feel that

"people of the previous generation would want to fix everything when it was broken, but now they want to change everything when it is broken."

is the love of the older generation stronger and more moving than that of the young?

maybe it's just that the older generation is more tolerant in the face of shortcomings.

writer Bi Shumin once said:

"Marriage requires patience, long-lasting, determined patience.

put up with a wayward girl to grow into a capable wife, a weak young man to become a rock-solid man, and a child to grow up crying and wrestling.

put up with each other's gray hair and tiredness, the friction and fission of character, loneliness and cold. "

many people in the past will say that marriage is a word of "tolerance" in the end, but this does not mean that marriage needs no bottom line tolerance.

there was a discussion on Weibo: what did you learn from your parents' marriage?

the most liked answer quoted a line from the movie Spring Tide:

"I don't want to marry a man like my father, to be a woman like my mother, and to have a child like myself."

if the relationship between parents is bad, the child will be resistant to intimacy and have no self-confidence to manage a relationship.

the other day, when I was having dinner with my friends, I talked about the topic of "urging marriage".

many people are pushed "big" by their families, especially their friend Xiaomin, who is over 30, but has never been in love.

in the face of her parents' strong urge to get married, she said helplessly:

"I have a deep fear of marriage.

my father is having an affair, and my mother often quarrels with him. They will also speak ill of each other in front of me, and sometimes even force me to stand in line and ask me to help and scold.

the meaning of marriage, some people have not been able to figure it out all their lives, but they still want the next generation to make the same mistake.

I believe that there is love in the world, but I don't believe I can meet it. "

loving and being loved is originally the best thing in the world, but I have never seen a child who loves, and I have an instinctive fear of love.

and those children who grow up in love will know how to love themselves and how to love others.

Yang Jiang recorded such a thing in our money.

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once she and Qian Zhongshu took their daughter to a restaurant for dinner. Her daughter saw a pair of parents at the next table quarreling and said with emotion:

"I always think the child whose parents love is very lucky, because she has seen what a good relationship is like, so she has a keen sense of healthy love, and then knows how to run in the right direction.

so I am very grateful to Mom and Dad, because you love each other, Qin and Ming, so I think I am a lucky child. "

only parents who love each other can raise children who are confident and yearning for love.

those children who are raised in the atmosphere of parental love will also give back to life with love.

good partners heal each other all their lives

some time ago, I watched a speech about "happiness".

the speaker is a professor at Harvard Medical School. They spent 76 years following 724 people and found that happy lives eventually have one thing in common:

good relationships make us happier and healthier; those who are most satisfied with their intimate relationships at the age of 50 are the healthiest at the age of 80.

Luo Yonghao once mentioned his married life in an interview:

"I have a lot of middle-aged friends who are not very well married. They really don't have a solution at all, so they can only grab friends to drink. But I know very well that holding a friend for a drink can not solve the loneliness after going home. When I go back to dawn, my eyes are still open.

I'm different. I got home and I have a wife.

to smell the smell of her body, such as the smell of hair, I almost feel that I am inhaling a therapeutic agent, like 'sucking on a cat'. "

Life is difficult, marriage is not easy, but good partners can heal each other.

in the World, Zheng Juan and Zhou Bingkun are like this.

when the two first met, Zheng Juan was at her worst.

the fiance is dead, the mother is old, there is a blind brother at home, and he is pregnant before marriage.

when she was most helpless, it was Zhou Bingkun who reached out and grabbed her and pulled her out of the mud.

later, something happened to Zhou Bingkun, and it was Zheng Juan who stepped forward to support a family for Zhou Bingkun.

not only do they never give up in times of adversity, but they can also experience each other's subtle thoughts in their daily lives.

there is such a detail in the play.

when the father of Zhou took a large family to visit relatives and friends for the New year, he proudly stressed that the eldest son and daughter were both students of Peking University.

as the youngest son in the family, Zhou Bingkun looked lonely when he heard this.

No one else noticed, but Zheng Juan immediately sensed that he was not feeling, held his hand tightly and gave him silent support.

Anthony Kennedy said:

"Marriage responds to a universal fear of a lonely man shouting only to find no one there."

it gives people a hope about companionship, understanding and sense of security: someone will care about you. "

maybe many people have experienced imperfect native families, and maybe we often feel isolated and helpless.

as Zhou Guoping said:

"everything will be dim in the end, only the day when the eyes of love have been plated with gold will shine forever in the deep valley of time."

, may we all meet the right person and have a warm home.

from then on, the mountains and rivers are far and wide, and there are fireworks in the world, all of which are you.