The lower the cognitive level, the more likely it is to argue.

/July 2023


in real life, there are always some people who can choke you to death with a few words:

you say that smoking is harmful to your health, he retorts: some people smoke all their lives and still live to eighty or ninety.

when you recommend a book in your moments, he finds fault: the content must not be good if it is so unpopular.

they think they are sharp-tongued and insightful, but in the eyes of others, apart from being mean, they are left with hostility.

lifting the bar is in fact a terrible false victory; it seems to have won the current match, but actually lost a long-term relationship.

behind every rebuttal, low-level cognition is exposed.

quarreling with others is actually a way out

Wang Meng once portrayed a man suffering from "eloquence" in his novel:

when he went to the hospital to see a doctor, the doctor asked him to sit on the chair.

he asked, "Why are you sitting?" Are you going to deprive me of my right not to sit? "

the man continued: "this is one-sided and ridiculous. Not all water is drinkable." For example, if you add potassium cyanide to the water, you should never drink it. "

the doctor explained, "I didn't put poison." Don't worry! "

the man clung to the subject and said, "who said you put poison?" Did I falsely accuse you of putting poison? "

seeing this, the doctor helplessly changed the subject and said, "it's a nice day today."

this man is even more energetic:

"pure nonsense! Just because you have a nice day here doesn't mean it's fine all over the world today. In the North Pole, for example, the weather is very bad today, it is windy, it is a long night, and icebergs are crashing. "

in psychology, there is a concept called "pathological sophistry", which refers to a rebuttal no matter what others say, so as to improve their sense of existence and value.

but in fact, the desire to win over others is a low-level communication habit.

not only does not get the respect of others, but also exposes their own shallowness and ignorance.

having dinner with a friend on the weekend, he talked to me about a "leverage" colleague.

others complained that the KPI was too high, he said that the other side did not stand enough; others expressed approval, and he satirized others for flattery and hypocrisy.

some time ago, during the team building of the department, the leader called a meeting of all the people to give advice on the event.

one girl suggested: "find a place nearby and eat and sing together."

when the colleague heard this, he immediately retorted: "nearby?" You are obviously lazy, and your ideological consciousness needs to be improved. "

another boy said, "so go camping in the suburbs?" By the way, climb the mountain to see the scenery. "

the colleague spoke again: "what is there to see in the wild mountains?" I've never seen the world before. "

however, because he exposed the stinging nature, within a few days, he was transferred to a position whose salary was far lower than that of his present position.

Franklin once said:

"if you always pick up and retort, you may win occasionally, but it is only an empty victory, because you will never be liked by the other person.


people who like to lift bars are like crazy weeds in rice paddies, who think they are invincible, but in fact, in the eyes of others, they are already bossy and out of place.

refutation everywhere, not only can not add glory to themselves, but also add to the block of others.

in the long run, it is a way out of its own way.

know how to restrain so that you can get along comfortably with others

the writer once compared people's cognition to a huge sinkhole arranged in the form of a funnel:

the more you go down, the less you see, the less opportunities you have, and the more you feel social injustice and anger.

the more you go up, the more you see, the more opportunities you have, and the more you feel the beauty of the world and the boundless scenery.

people at the bottom of the funnel tend to go to extremes because of insufficient levels, cognitive limitations, words and things.

people at the top of the funnel will be more compassionate and tolerant because they are open-minded and have a clear mind.

as Luo Xiang said, "the sign of a person's maturity is that there are two seemingly opposing views in his mind at the same time."

only by seeking common ground while reserving differences, with pride but not dispute, can we shorten the distance between the two sides in the communication and realize each other.

Zhang Yiwu, a management trainer, shared a story:

he once planted a lot of bamboo in his yard. In his eyes, bamboo represents the seven sages of the bamboo forest and can place the feelings of literati on. It is a good choice to improve the style of the house.

but only a few days after planting, the next-door neighbor came to see him.

the neighbor said, "you bamboo, you will be in trouble if you come to our house through the wall."

Mr. Zhang wondered: such a good thing, even in the past, has added a touch of elegance, how can it be troublesome?

but the neighbors disagreed: "I am a businessman, you are doing bamboo, the heart is empty, affecting me."

Mr. Zhang was speechless when he heard such a reason.

but after a little thinking, he agreed to the other side's request and dug up all the bamboo in the yard.

aroundWhen his friends found out, they all stood up for Mr. Zhang and said, "it's not reasonable for him to protest when you plant bamboo in your house." And it costs so much money to grow bamboo, it's too bad for you to dig it up like this. "

Mr. Zhang replied with a smile:

"I thought about it, and they were right. The same bamboo, you think it is getting higher and higher, another person may think that it is bad for business, it is empty, from the point of view of others, there is no problem.

moreover, if the other person's heart is always diaphragm, the neighborhood will not be harmonious. So in order for everyone to be comfortable, we must dig. "

then, Mr. Zhang worked and lived as usual as if it had never happened.

and his magnanimity has won him the heartfelt respect of the people around him.

Hugo said, "he who knows to regulate himself at the right time is wise."


there are many things in life that are not absolutely right or wrong.

views vary, often just because of different positions and angles.

if you argue with each other because of cognitive differences, in addition to wasting your breath, it is also likely to infuriate others, which will eventually lead to the expansion of contradictions and cause trouble.

therefore, sober people have long known: shut up at the right time and focus on yourself in order to separate both parties from unnecessary internal friction in time.

restrain the desire for rebuttal and learn to reflect

in the book High Latitude thinking, the author divides human cognition into three levels:

level 1: what is known means that you already know these questions and know the answers.

level 2: known unknown, that is, know the question, but do not know the answer;

level 3: the unknown is the part that doesn't even know the problem.

everyone has their own cognitive blind spot, and there are more things in life that we "don't know".

therefore, instead of refuting others, it is better to seek inward first.

when the level is higher and the cognition is wider, the original "disapproval" may naturally become "identity".

in the weakness of Human Nature, Carnegie mentions such a story:

there is a heavy truck sales, the performance is always not satisfactory.

because every time a customer points out a product problem to her, she feels that the other party is unreasonable, and then she is blushing with others.

after learning the situation, Carnegie gave her advice: "keep silent and stop having verbal conflicts with others."

wedding hippy style gowns will make sure you radiate glamor and desire. There are different cuts and styles to choose from.

so she tried to adjust her mindset and no longer bother to refute her clients, but to reflect on her problems from the bottom of her heart.

in the face of customers' questions, she no longer argued, but smiled and listened silently.

when customers compare the advantages of other vehicles with the disadvantages of their own products, she no longer gets angry, but calmly admits the disadvantages of her own products objectively and agrees with the customer's point of view.

so when she explained to her customers that although other products were good, her own products also had unique advantages, it was easy to get recognition.

slowly, her reputation became better and better, and she had more and more customers, which eventually became the company's gold medal sales.

British painter Watts said:


introspection is the way to virtue.


Internal search seems to be a compression of territory, but in fact it is the opening up of a new realm of life.

only by trying to use understanding instead of argument, introspection instead of rebuttal, and constantly improving yourself, can we get along with the world more easily.

Schopenhauer said:


when talking to others, refrain from correcting their impulses.


A person's maturity is reflected not only in his age, but also in his words and deeds.

the heart does not press the matter, the mouth does not forgive others, offended others, but also refused their own growth.

only by opening up your heart and improving yourself can you break your cognitive limitations and gain a broader future.

May we all have the sobriety of restraint, the tolerance of acceptance, the vision of climbing to the top, and living a wonderful life.

, share with your friends.