10 taboos that can't be committed in ​ marriage! (good text in depth)

/July 2023


it is easy at first sight, but never difficult for a long time.

when love is integrated into trivial daily matters, it is not easy to run a marriage.

it is clear that there are no strong winds and waves in life, and there is no disagreement between the three values of each other, but the two are separated in a calm and wave-free day.

Tagore said:

"what makes people tired is not the mountain in the distance, but a grain of sand in the shoe."

sometimes, it is not an affair or domestic violence that kills a marriage, but a mistake that is ignored by oneself.

these 10 taboos must not be committed if you want to make your marriage last.

compare with other people's marriages and find fault with lovers

there is a sentence in besieged Fortress:

"No matter who you marry, you will always find that you are not married to the same person, like a different person."

there is no 100% perfect partner. What you can do is to accept, not to be picky.

there is no standard answer in marriage, and other people's ways can't solve your problems.

No matter how passionate the feelings are, they can't stand the "dimension reduction comparison" again and again.

Love is appreciation, not belittling; home is a harbor, not a playground.

No matter how beautiful love is, when it comes to the reality of life, there is always something unsatisfactory.

No one's marriage is perfect, and marrying one person may not be satisfactory.

instead of being full of longing and constantly failing, it is better to let go of expectations and live a solid life.

place your happiness on each other and rely too much on

many people regard "I raise you" as the true meaning of happiness.

however, a marriage with a commitment mentality can only be 1: 1: 1. 1.

A marriage that is burdened with each other is bound to make it difficult for both parties.

there is a concept in psychology called Cinderella syndrome.

refers to the fact that women want to find a husband like a prince to save themselves and achieve a leap in life class through marriage.

like Feng Xiaoqin in "Heart residence", he thinks that marrying a husband with household registration in Shanghai can realize his desire to buy a house and gain a foothold in Shanghai.

but in the end, she just became a free babysitter in her husband's family, with no status.

there is a heart-wrenching law in marriage: "people who can maintain self-balance are more likely to have a happy marriage."

the more you want to cling to, the more you get nothing; the more independent you are, the more you can reap happiness.

bury your emotions in your heart and don't know how to release

when it comes to "emotion", people always have some derogatory meaning.

there are always people asking us to "don't bring home the emotions we have outside."

as a result, many people can only swallow their grievances and anger and force them to smile in the face of their families.

but in fact, pent-up negative emotions only erupt more violently at some point in time.

imagine, in the face of the closest family members can not share their true feelings, who else in this world can?

your partner can not only be "happy" with you, but also help you solve problems.

your grievance will not be known until the other party speaks out.

just like flood control, blocking is not as good as dredging.

change the first sentence of going home from angry accusation to "I am very sad today", and the other person will naturally be willing to listen to your experience and understand your difficulties.

can't deal with conflicts effectively, get used to the cold war

author Oates said:

"the most devastating problem in marriage is the lack of communication."

conflict is a double-edged sword. When you aggravate friction, you can also see each other's problems.

and if you want a lasting relationship, you need to establish a mechanism to deal with contradictions.

in the documentary "the fruits of the World", there is a couple who have completely different diet and living habits, but have been together for more than 60 years.

the reason why the two people go from quarreling to respecting each other is that they have found a way to deal with the contradiction:

whenever the other person makes himself angry, he will write the question on a small blackboard or note, and the other party will reply carefully when he or she sees it.

not only avoids face-to-face conflicts, but also solves problems better.

they are not aggrieved and patient, nor are they forced to dictate.

coexist in contradictions and run-in in conflicts, so that we can taste sweet taste in a dull life.

No plan for household expenditure, long-term plan

Adult life is inseparable from material security.

before marriage, one person has enough to feed the whole family.

but after marriage, housing loans, car loans, old people and children, sick accidents.

everything big and small has something to do with money.

A family must know how to make long-term plans in order to resist possible problems in life

writer Tang Xiaoxiao has been managing money with her husband, and they do financial arrangement and planning once a year.

sort out every expense, make plans for the coming year, and control unnecessary expenses.

they spent many years together, never blushed because of money, and managed their marriage life in perfect harmony.

the economic base determines not only the superstructure, but also the temperature of marriage.

Pride and Prejudice says: "A marriage that only talks about money is absurd, and a marriage that doesn't talk about money is stupid."

Marriage is half flowers and half dust.

ifIs to leave the soil, no matter how beautiful flowers can not bloom.

excessive emotional consumption, do not know how to maintain

mediocrity is the norm of life, but a scribbled attitude will erase all feelings.

in many cases, the breakdown of a relationship is not due to the intervention of a third party, but because two people have run out of patience in trifles.

when you fall in love, every holiday is full of ritual; after marriage, you muddle along every day.

Zhang ailing once lamented:

"feelings are very difficult to deal with. If you put it in the refrigerator, it will never go bad. "

Marriage is like an emotional passbook. If you only consume it and don't replenish it, there will always be an overdraft.

over time, getting along with each other becomes easy, the day becomes just fine, and the former lover becomes the most familiar stranger.

only when you often store your feelings and treat each other more attentively after you get it, can you fall in love with each other again and again after marriage.

think only of yourself in case of trouble, regardless of each other

people who are too selfish can't afford a marriage.

he asked his wife to give up her career and return to her family, even though her career was just on the rise.

Charlie's job is going to Europe for half a year, and his wife must follow him.

his wife's salary for acting in films was also asked by him to invest in his own company.

Charlie's selfishness finally made his wife collapse and their marriage came to an end.

economist Xue Zhaofeng said: "Marriage is like running a partnership."

A partnership is not only a commitment, but also a commitment to each other and sharing joys and sorrows.

replacing "listen to me in everything" with consultation and modesty is the better appearance of marriage.

the world is self-centered, taking nothing but giving, and the marriage will go bankrupt sooner or later.

weigh the gains and losses too much,

A marriage that cares too much, less temperature, more alienation.

A distressed man once went to Wei Shiwei, a family therapist, for help:

"Miss Wei, my family is well-off and clean. I have done a lot for my wife, but she has not returned anything in return. I feel very depressed. What should I do?"

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"if you give, she must like it. Should she return it?" Wei Shiwei asked rhetorically.

True love is caring from the heart, not haggling.

as Su Cen said:

"Marriage should be a muddle account. The more confused the marriage is, the more sticky it is. If you want to be happy, remember not to calculate it too clearly."

if you calculate clearly, you will be distant; if you talk clearly, you will gain points.

come and go, in the end, two people can easily become "forget it".

A relationship, it is not because you are good to me that I love you.

but, because you care, you give; because you love you, you are "confused".

do not leave private space, bind each other

once many people get married, they can't help but check their mobile phones, search chat records, and make phone calls.

these actions suffocate each other and make you tired.

as Gibran said:

"leave some space between the ears and temples so that the wind of heaven can dance in the middle."

once, Lin Huijia, the wife of director Ang Lee, was asked how to be a "good wife" when she attended the alumni association.

Lin Huijia answered only one sentence: "I just leave him alone (I just don't care about him)".

she gave Ang Lee plenty of freedom to create with peace of mind.

when Ang Lee made great achievements, he said that the person he was most grateful for was his wife.

Love without control, care without interference.

the two are independent and dependent on each other.

you are you, I am me, first "you and I", then "we", the best marital state, that's all.

accuse each other's parents of deficiency and violate the bottom line

in the TV series Xiao Shude, the couple Nan Li and Xia Junshan both have defects in their original families.

once they had a big fight because of their children's education.

Nanli ridiculed that Xia Junshan was not liked by her biological parents. Xia Junshan poked her sore spot with the divorce of Nanli's parents.

the hard-working relationship between the two fell apart at this moment.

it is hard to avoid friction between husband and wife.

when you are angry, you just want to pick the most hurtful words, especially don't blame each other's parents.

after all, parents are always everyone's Achilles' heel. A rebuke to a parent is worth ten thousand words of abuse.

Confucius said:

"Today's filial piety means being able to support." As for dogs and horses, they can all be raised and disrespectful, so why is it different



both dogs and horses can support their parents. If there is no respect, what is the difference between people and animals?

husband and wife quarrel, do not affect each other's parents, this is the principle of getting along, but also the bottom line of character.

Li Zhongying, an expert in applied psychology, once wrote in her book:

"A happy marriage is not a godsend, and love alone cannot make a marriage successful."

Marriage is to use love to connect two people who have nothing to do with each other.

the cruel reality is that love is addition and marriage is subtraction.

most of the time, dimensionMarriage is not what you do, but what you don't do.

there are some mistakes that cannot be undone once they are made.

manage attentively and stay away from these 10 taboos. May our marriage be in a long stream in plain fireworks.

there are books, small universe ink dye,